The fact that it turned out well... was not my fault!

Hubby told me the other day that he had mentioned to the Bishop that I was getting a bit burned out in my calling as ward choir director. Bishop responded that he had noticed.

What is it about that statement that BUGS ME SO MUCH!!! It is TRUE!

I know. It means that I am not faithfully serving the Lord in whatever capacity He would have me serve in. I had spoken to my husband about how hard it is becomming to get excited about my calling lately... but I NEVER asked him to pass that information on to the Bishop in the hopes of generating a change in calling. And, I never expected that I was doing so poorly in my calling that the Bishop would NOTICE!! AAHHHH!!! Recommitment needed.

And, enter last Sunday. I wanted to do a piece for Easter. We couldn't perform ON Easter, as there is no church that day. The Sunday after is Fast Sunday, no choir. The Sunday before was my choice, until I talked to the choir and half of them would be gone for Spring Break activities. So, the third Sunday in March was the day, if we were going to sing anywhere near Easter.

I wanted to do "What Wonderous Love is This?", but the Stake library didn't have the copies that I'd been hoping for. I searched the web for free music, and found a great arrangement with beautiful chords, written in hymn form. I chose the verses I wanted, and thought how nice it would be if we had a soloist for the first verse. If you haven't heard the music, it is an American Folk hymn that is very nice. Minor chords, but pretty. I wanted it A Cappella, but I wasn't sure how that would work, so I just arranged it simply - the first verse, solo. Second verse, duet, third verse, organ joins just playing chords in the bass cleff, the choir singing in unison. Fourth verse, organ repeating simple chords, choir singing in parts, Fifth and last verse, organ joining playing parts while choir sings parts. I saw it as building up in a simple way, matching the simpleness of the melody.

I talked to the couple in my ward that I wanted to sing the solo/duet, and they were excited to do it. I had the choir practice it. I never got the music to the organist! At least, not until the week before we were supposed to perform. AND, due to the man who I'd asked to sing the solo/duet breaking his ankle, they never actually practiced with the choir.

We planned on singing at the assisted living home the morning of, in place of practicing. They have their own Sacrament Meeting, and the home is part of our ward so the Bishop has asked that we go over there as often as we can as the ward choir.

When I got there in the morning, the organist wasn't there yet. I wasn't able to actually work the cell phone I borrowed - the call kept failing, like 3 times. I gave it back to who I'd borrowed it from, and he talked to her and she said she was on her way. Then, she called back and said that she wasn't going to be able to make it. So, it was A Cappella.

I had forgotten, as I always do, that the electronic keyboard they have over there is BAD. The soloist played his first note, and started singing... it was SO BAD, he couldn't keep on key, he was searching all over the place for the right note. HE appologized to me, and the only reason I can put this on the web site is because it was the fault of the piano, not the soloist. It had played a note way too low, so it was WRONG. The duet on the second verse was just as bad, way too low. They finally did figure out what key they were supposed  to be in, I guess, because the choir actually sounded nice, even in their parts.

We went over to the church with only 10 minutes before the meeting was going to start. I asked the soloist if he wanted the organ to play along with him, and he said he was confident that if he got the right note, he'd be fine. (He was right.) In the middle of the meeting, we got up to sing... and there was no organist. She was there, sitting on a back row, but she did not get up to play with us. I had prayed and prayed after the fiasco in the morning, and hadn't felt that we should just cancel and practice more. So, I shrugged and we performed. It was 10 times better than it was the previous performance, everyone on key and singing beautifully. I liked the music a cappella, and just missed the last verse climax that I'd heard in my mind. We sang the right notes, I hadn't practiced the choir enough in dynamics.

After, the soloist told me that after our conversation, he had told the organist that she didn't need to play... and all of a sudden I was afraid that she hadn't played because she'd felt uninvited! So, I called her the next day, and she just hadn't felt comfortable playing having never practiced with us, and she'd had no opportunity to talk to me before the meeting to let me know.

SO - the story above demonstrates maybe what the Bishop has noticed about me being burned out. Procrastinating, not being that energetic at choir practices... The question I face - settle back and wait to be released, or work on getting back to a place that I am magnifying my calling instead of just going through the motions. Of course, I'm trying to choose option B. If I can just get healthy, happy pianists...